Purpose-driven
October 29th, 2007I think I’ve somewhat gotten over my “downtime”. I’m still not jumping up and down, trying to scratch every little itch I have. But at least I’m not so apathetic anymore. I’m moving. The bad news is that I’ve swung to the other end of the pendulum. Now I’m too driven by emotions, high and low. I was told by a good friend tonight that I’m too emotion-driven. (Only good friends tell you what’s wrong with you *and* help you with your problems). And he’s completely right. And being emotion-driven sucks, big time. Your work, your outlook, you whole life is so dependent on mood swings, on events, and on others. It’s not an eye opener for me, though. I’ve always known this fact about me. But I guess it takes someone to tell it to you point blank to really make an impact. A purpose-driven life… Maybe I should read that. Last week, I asked myself what drives me. Well it turns out, my emotions. What makes me passionate is the “high” of the moment. And that shouldn’t be. At least not for me. I need principles I can stick to, high or low. I need a purpose.
I’m not the only one that needs a purpose. I personally think Kubuntu is at a crossroads. I’ve said more than once before that this period is the perfect time for the Kubuntu community to think hard about a few non-technical details. The timing is perfect. The next release, Kubuntu 8.04 Hardy Heron, will be a Long Term Support release, supported for 3 years on desktops and 5 years on servers. It has to be extra polished. It is also the last Kubuntu release that has KDE 3 by default. The release after that, Kubuntu 8.10 (no name yet) will have KDE 4 by default (whatever KDE 4 version is available at that time, 4.0 or 4.1). This will be a first for Kubuntu, who’s a bit young compared to older KDE distros who have seen the journey from KDE 2 to KDE 3. It’s a perfect time. For what? Stay tuned. I’ll get around to blogging about it.
I’ve also been playing around with other distros lately after Gutsy was released. While waiting for my pressed Kubuntu CD’s to arrive (yeah I’m crazy), I’ve installed openSUSE 10.3 on my laptop. I haven’t gotten around to needing to use the laptop though. I’m planning to test out Mandriva 2008 and PC-BSD 1.4 too. We’ll see how that pans out.
Am I leaving Kubuntu for good? Not at all (until/if they kick me out of course). I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Kubuntu has a special place in my life. Whatever happens and wherever I go, I’ll always be there to lend a helping hand. I have to admit that being emotion-driven has made me a bit touchy lately, but the commitment to help is still there and has not wavered at all. If I’m not making any sense, wait for my next post and you might understand. 
Just some small updates, while I'm trying to get off my ass and migrate the site completely to Textpattern.
October 29th, 2007 at 10:41 pm
Well I don’t know you, but did you ever though that you might have depressions?
Yeah I know people are very picky if someone makes such assumptions, nevertheless depression is an illness that can have devastating effects.
So if you are not sure best is to see a doctor and tell him about your “downtime” –> losing your way.
Cheers!
October 30th, 2007 at 12:16 am
Hey,
Just don’t let the hard ways getting in your way. I agree with “ano” and you should see a doctor or some kind of counselor professionals to treat you better with your depression. Just not try to talking about negative ways and it will get worse with your depression. Is something bothering you? Deal with it to solve your problem and just don’t let it pulling you downstream. Be strong and please let us know how you will doing in the future.
Happy Trails!
October 30th, 2007 at 7:19 am
Hi,
Purpose or not, first make sure you do enough sport, that you go to sleep at least at 11pm on average (sleep deprivation kills creativity), that you see the sun in the morning, and that you eat a bit of everything (too little vitamins or fish do kill).
October 30th, 2007 at 8:33 am
I’m not sure my case is bad enough to need a doctor just yet. Anyway, my mom’s a psych major, so I should probably ask her first.
I’ve never been good at handling disappointments though. I should work on that.
But what I really need to do is to find a way to have some physical activity in my life! No problems with sleep here. One could say I actually sleep a lot. I do need some exercise though. And a dose of what you people call “the outside”. But finding a convenient schedule for that will be a bit tricky, given my family situation.
Hm… fish…
October 30th, 2007 at 10:10 pm
Hey Jucato. Funny that your blog is titled “Purpose Driven”. There is a book called “Purpose Driven Life”. It’s a good read. Anyway, I have been in your situation recently so I can relate very well. I sympathize with you. It helps to speak to people about your situation and how you feel. It gets worse when you don’t talk about it. There are many other good books about depression. There are also many levels of depression. Most people don’t know that. Before you seek a solution, you need to determine the severity of your problem. Your mother should have a good idea of what I am saying. If you believe in God, (that was how I dealt with my problem), then he can certainly get you through your troubled times. Give it to God. I wish you the best. Please let me know if I can help you.
James